Your relationship with your reflection is probably complicated, and that's okay. We had a conversation about unsettling responses to our reflections in my membership circle last week that I am still thinking about. I don't have any magical solutions, but I have some ideas that might help you if your relationship with your reflection is causing distress in your life.

I've worked with hundreds of clients experiencing self-criticism of particular parts of their bodies, ranging from worry to BDD. I refer you to last week's newsletter for more about this spectrum of body discontent and Body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD). 

The implication is that there is a choice about the thoughts you entertain. My experience is that some of us have more choices in the thoughts we believe than others. Neurodivergence sometimes creates intrusive thought patterns that require a significant amount of therapeutic work to navigate. Don't get me wrong; this process is possible!  I want to acknowledge this difference because there is a degree of privilege in changing your thought patterns with relative ease. 

Body Grief is a term that describes intense sadness when our bodies change, which revolves around a deep sense of loss. Coping with this grief means mourning, and eventually letting go of attachment to the bodies we once had or our appearance and body function from an earlier time in our lives.

It is common to experience yourself just as you did at a much younger age or during a different period of your life. When you see your reflection in a mirror or your image in a photograph, it can be jarring and may trigger the feeling of deep longing for the body you once had, or Body Grief.

I'll need some magic as I respond to one of the most challenging questions you've sent me:

As a newly single (after 30 years of marriage, and three kids) 63-year-old, how do I get comfortable being naked in front of a man with this older body? No prospects yet; just thinking ahead.

A regulated nervous system supports your optimal well-being as you age. It ensures that your body adapts to changes in your environment so you maintain a state of homeostasis, or balance.

Your authentic girlhood self is waiting for your attention.

Puberty likely pulled you into a mishmash of becoming more conscious and aware of your body, the force of changes in your body, and how others responded to your transformation. You also learned from the pressures of your culture that your body and appearance equaled your worth, and proximity to love, acceptance, and power.

You may have been surprised or even shocked when you suddenly noticed a sign you were aging. I share the moment I woke up to the reality that my body was aging, and I was embarking on midlife.

This is an unpopular opinion: Women in midlife do not need to calculate, worry, and manipulate their diets, so they eat a specific number of grams of protein each day.